Is the Stars championship hangover finally over. After months of parties, parades and general debauchery the stars started their '09 season in a tailspin. A 0 and something record and a severe outbreak of rectal/cranial inversion syndrome left the team leading the league in penalty minutes and at the bottom of the standings.
Stars coaching twins separated at inception, "the Vandeventers", are going all out to correct the teams skid. Everything from live chicken
sacrifice to call ups from the Hagerstown Bears have led the stars to 2 wins in a row! This equals the stars fall 08 regular season wins total!
Thursday night Capitalist Punishment failed to overcome the stars new "change and hope" coaching philosophy. Indeed it seems all good capitalist's are now struggling. Not to worry. Senate bill HR-1012, passed as part of the '09 stimulus bill states all teams at the end of the season with a losing record will have their record reset to 6-6. Also, any hard working successful teams with winning records will be given a 6-6 mark and receive lower playoff seeding. Sounds Fair to me!
Also found in the stimulus bill is a provision concerning recreational BBQ. Great, now each player will be billed $35 dollars to purchase carbon credits to offset team tailgating grill emissions. Hey wasn’t national socialism tried somewhere recently, with very bad results? Sounds familiar, damn my public education.
On a side note team satirist and neat freak James Pryor played his last game Thursday night. He is seeking exile in Germany from gambling debt he accrued betting on box-turtle races in his wife’s native Idaho. This debt combined with the loss from investing his life savings in recyclable commodities left him no choice. Good luck in the German elite league James. Well the upshot is, stars ticket sales are up and American liberty is down.
See you at the rink.
IOWA... IT'S IOWA YOU PUTZ!
IOWA... IT'S IOWA YOU PUTZ!