Frederick Stars Hockey

First round win at the Frederick Stars Invitational (playin game). The 4th seed Stars took on the 5th seed Thrashers in the highly sought after "free" playoff game and won 6-4 or something close to that. It was a team win, good effort from everyone. The Stars coach Steve V achieved a team record during the game. First getting chewed out by the ref.(not a first), then a 2 minute penalty for slashing the SAME REF, then a game misconduct penalty for diareah of the mouth (which was actually HAMMERS mouth that the ref thought was Steve). The game long rolling joke was punctuated by Steve sitting on the bench with his arms folded saying " It wasnt me, Im not going to the box!" (he did). Aside from entertainment it seemed to cause ALOT of penalties to be called on the Stars and the ref.s turning there head when Vinny got hacked by a relative of Paul Bunion on the blue line. Oh-well. Punch drunk co-coach Mike V, said after the game "I cant believe you guys won 2 in a row without me". Aside from his conciet, he has been doing a whale of a job coaching. Good news for tailgaters, the team grille is out of the shop. Due to 2009 clean air/ prosperity destruction act regulations recently imposed, team officials were forced to install a catalytic converter and evaporative emission canister on the grille, which caused the grille to not be available last game.... . This cost the team fund $12,185, so summer dues will be going up.
Congratulations to now Lt. Colonel Hammer on his promotion last week. The Stars have many players who have or are currently serving our great country to which we are very Thankful. Also to speed up line shifts in the playoffs, Hammer has temporarily suspended the need to salute him during line changes. Thank You Sir.
See you at the rink.

That's right the Stars provided the donut and the Blues blew up for 11 goals in a freakin blowout Wednesday night. The C'ish-league battle started with Blues scoring early and often and continued, then carried on, and on, then proceeded and then finally ended. The lop-sided score even cut down the late game parade to the penalty box that usually accompanies Blues battles. The Brunswick Blues have established themselves as the team to beat in the playoffs.
Unfortunately, after a mini win streak the Stars have headed straight to Thomas Crapperville. No offence to Thomas Crapper. 2 losses and 1 whipping. Speaking of the Crapper, there was a distinct Westerly breeze Wednesday night that seemed a symbolic reminder of the game, during the post game feast. Ew!!
Update for Pryor fans, James and family have safely arrived in Germany. James has found a job counting penguin feathers and bought the German model of the smart car, "The Dum-Kauff". He was upset to find the euro-models top speed is 37 MPH and its banned from the autobahn. I'm sure things will work out.
Coach "V" is looking for commitments for the spr-ummer season 09. Players interested should contact Steve, and be sure to reserve a spot. After all the Stars are the best Hockey franchise in town.
See you at the rink.

Is the Stars championship hangover finally over. After months of parties, parades and general debauchery the stars started their '09 season in a tailspin. A 0 and something record and a severe outbreak of rectal/cranial inversion syndrome left the team leading the league in penalty minutes and at the bottom of the standings.

Stars coaching twins separated at inception, "the Vandeventers", are going all out to correct the teams skid. Everything from live chicken
sacrifice to call ups from the Hagerstown Bears have led the stars to 2 wins in a row! This equals the stars fall 08 regular season wins total!

Thursday night Capitalist Punishment failed to overcome the stars new "change and hope" coaching philosophy. Indeed it seems all good capitalist's are now struggling. Not to worry. Senate bill HR-1012, passed as part of the '09 stimulus bill states all teams at the end of the season with a losing record will have their record reset to 6-6. Also, any hard working successful teams with winning records will be given a 6-6 mark and receive lower playoff seeding. Sounds Fair to me!

Also found in the stimulus bill is a provision concerning recreational BBQ. Great, now each player will be billed $35 dollars to purchase carbon credits to offset team tailgating grill emissions. Hey wasn’t national socialism tried somewhere recently, with very bad results? Sounds familiar, damn my public education.

On a side note team satirist and neat freak James Pryor played his last game Thursday night. He is seeking exile in Germany from gambling debt he accrued betting on box-turtle races in his wife’s native Idaho. This debt combined with the loss from investing his life savings in recyclable commodities left him no choice. Good luck in the German elite league James. Well the upshot is, stars ticket sales are up and American liberty is down.

See you at the rink.